Cleveland Clinic

Wow! I just got back from my first visit from the Cleveland Clinic- one of the top hospitals in the world. I was so impressed by everything there! From classical music playing from the classy walkway between buildings to the open and inviting reception rooms for patients, this was the most impressive place I've ever been to. And all the restaurants inside! It was like it's own self-contained village!

The reason for my visit was to meet with a faculty member in pathobiology who specializes in asthma-related research in the clinic. I didn't expect to be so overwhelmingly welcomed and invited. Within a few hours of my email expressing interest, we had a meeting time set up. A busy physician scientist, the man I met with spent over 1.5 hours with me! I planned on 30 mins top so imagine my surprise!

It felt really nice to be so welcomed and accepted based on my prior research and current status as a med student. I didn't feel like I had to prove that I deserved to be there, quite a difference from med school interviews! I was really impressed by the clinic and lab. I would love to work there! I will have to consider how much time I can REALISTICALLY spend doing research while in med school, but time constraints aside there is nothing I would rather do (nerd alert!). :)

I am really excited to have the opportunity to do research in a subject matter that means so much to me. Being diagnosed with asthma really floored me; I hope that learning more about asthma will be a way to become empowered. :)

Skiing in Utah!

Aaah my first vacation since July! Horray! My parents were kind enough to invite me to go along on a ski trip to Snowbird, Utah for Thanksgiving. I mention that they were kind enough to invite me because last month they went to Mexico without me; still jealous! :) I'm really grateful that I can still go on occasional vacations with my parents. I think it's really special how well we can get along and how much fun we can still have on vacations together.

I'm also really proud of them for being adventurous and trying something new for Thanksgiving. For the past 24 years, my parents have used Thanksgiving as a time to look back at how far they have come since they first arrived in America. I always loved our traditional Thanksgivings because it was such a meaningful day in our family. That said, I'm proud that my parents are trying something new this year (and that they are letting me tag along!).

It's been four years since I've last been in the mountains. Gosh, I almost forgot how amazingly beautiful it is to be up so high. It's so exhilarating to be skiing down a steep slope again, admiring the mountains around, and contemplating the one below you. What a rush! Although I was worried it might take me awhile to get back to my technique, after the first few turns I felt like I'd been skiing last week. :)

I'm especially grateful to have a ski trip as my first vacation from med school. Ski trips are the anti-med school: working out all day, being outside, feeling athletic (and awake! and alive!), not studying anything more than a new novel, enjoying the hot springs, and going to bed by 9 exhausted from the day. It's such a nice break! Like the nerd that I am, I planned to do tons of work on vacation but I haven't felt like getting back into it just yet. Hopefully I will be more motivated later on in the week, otherwise I will have a tough week back in school!

Today is Thanksgiving. We are off to a nice breakfast, then the slopes, and we have reservations for a very fancy Thanksgiving dinner early tonight. Horray!

Horray!

BLOCK 2 IS DONE!! HORRAY!!!

I'm so relieved to be finished with exams for a few months. Overall, I think that things went well. I'm really impressed with how much I have learned about medicine so far in these few months. Despite the long hours of studying, especially the last three weeks before the exam, I really enjoyed learning for this block, as incredibly nerdy as that may be. Now that the block is done, I should "technically" "know" all there is to know about endocrinology, genetics, molecular biology, female and male reproductive tract histology and pathology, and pelvis anatomy. It's so weird to realize that my studies have a greater purpose and responsibility. I'm learning this information because it may help one of my patients in the future, regardless of the specialization that I choose. Wow! How weird!

The next block is exciting: Food to fuel. Biochemistry, anatomy of the abdomen, and nutrition. Should be very cool!

Exam on Friday :/

This week we had clinical immersion week and I got the opportunity to rotate in gynecological oncology. I spoke with a patient with ovarian cancer, saw a gruesome case of ovarian cancer in the OR, and then analyzed specimens for malignancies in the frozen specimen room for pathology. This was a great week for me. It was so important for me to take a step back from my studies and see just how much I had learned this block and how it really does apply to real patients. And as nerdy as it sounds, it was just so amazing to see a football size tumor being cut out of a patient and then looking at a slide and being able to classify it as a specific cancer. So cool!

Clinical immersion week gave a lot of meaning to my preparation for my exam: even though there are still tons more to learn, I HAVE learned quite a bit and it DOES have a profound patient application. That said, man I sure can't wait until this exam is over! I studied so much this week that I literally was eating tortilla chips towards the end because I didn't have time/energy to make a trip to the grocery store. Luckily today I was able to treat myself to a trip to stock up on food, after 8 hours of studying, that is. I planned ahead for the week and made a huge amount of soup and froze 4 containers; no tortilla chips this week unless it's a willing decision. :)

I feel really guilty about studying so much sometimes. Gosh, I'm sorry that I haven't been talking to my parents as much and that Mom's bday present didn't get there on time this year. And man, do I feel guilty for not being a better friend and keeping in better touch. Meredith, I'm sorry I haven't been calling more often! A lot of times it's not even that I'm studying continuously and pick up a phone, it's just that I am so focused on studying that I would have nothing to say if I called. I sure don't know how people go through medical school raising their own families!

I go through phases of feeling really prepared for the exam, realizing how much I've learned and then extreme phases of panic where I realize just how much I have left to learn. I hope that I can stay calm and collected with my studying: focus on important concepts and think logically; don't just memorize things that don't mean anything. Hopefully I can stick to the plan and do well! 4 hr exam on Thursday, 6 hours of exams on Friday... Friday at 5pm will feel amazing!

Hospice

I’ve been dreading my rotation at the hospice. I have a tendency to empathize a lot, maybe too much, with everyone that I meet so I was concerned that going to the hospice would be a really tough experience for me. I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to stay tough around so many terminally ill patients and that I would break down and cry in front of my peers. I expected the hallways to be filled with sobbing families and the rooms filled with patients dying painful deaths. I prepared myself for the very worse (and even stocked up on chocolate for when I returned from hospice).

The hospice that I saw was very different from what I expected. The center is situated on the lake, with beautiful landscaping, and gorgeous patient rooms. I felt that the place was very calming with open spaces and fresh flowers. I was impressed with the way that the staff dealt with death. I imagined that the “D-word” wouldn’t be mentioned, especially in front of patients. Instead, I was surprised to see how openly the patients and staff discussed death and dying.

As a physician in training, seeing a patient die is something that I’m not quite sure how I would be able to handle. So much of the medicine that I know is about learning about the problems of a patient and “fixing” them. A recommendation to stop trying and move on to hospice care seemed so much like giving up. Although I still don’t quite know how I would approach the subject of hospice care with my future patients or what point would have to be reached in order for me to make that recommendation, I discovered that hospice care was such a dignified way of approaching the end of life. Instead of ending their lives hooked up to countless burdensome machines and experiencing awful side effects, the patients at hospice seemed to live their final days to the fullest. Lifelong diabetic patients enjoy cookies while other patients learn how to sail for the first time. Although I recognize that it must be incredibly difficult to admit that a person’s life is really coming to a close, hospice care seems like a very empowering option for the patient.

I spoke with two patients at the hospice. One of the patients really opened up to us. He seemed really grateful for the hospice option, despite how costly the stay is ($6000/month!). Although he seemed to accept why he was in the hospice he told us how much he struggled with his family’s reactions when they visited; he hated seeing how much it hurt them to have a terminal illness. Some of the advice he offered: “Live life like today’s your last day, learn like you are going to live forever,” “Don’t waste your time worrying about things like money; you never know what’s around the corner.”

Although “hospice” has a negative connotation, I wish that I had known more about it before my grandfather passed away. I wish that this had been an option for him. Like one of the patients that spoke with us, his health was fine until one day it wasn’t. Instead of being incapacitated in a hopsital, I think that my grandfather would have preferred to pass with more dignity and control. Hospice care addresses death as something that we all experience and gives the patient control over their final moments.

Exam coming up!

It's week 10 of our second block and an exam coming up in two weeks! Eek! This week is our last week of classes; next week we have clinical immersion exercises at the hospital. Although this week SHOULD give me extra time to study because I won't have classes to keep up with, I know that I will probably come back from my rotations pretty tired and overwhelmed. So basically these next two weeks are going to be a bit of a bear!

Despite how tired/crabby I might get during cram time, I want to take the time to be amazed at how much information I've learned so far, without really having to try too hard. I knew that I would learn a lot in medical school but seeing it first-hand is very impressive. Gosh it's all a bit amazing. The interactive discussions we have instead of many lectures allowed me to learn things without ever having to "memorize" information. I'm really grateful to be at a place like Case where there are numerous different learning opportunities to ingrain information.

That said, learning medicine is a bit of a firehose effect: the amount of information thrown at us each day is like water coming through a thick firehose; on most days I try and get as much in as possible but there is always ALWAYS so much more that I can known and understand. On that note, back to studying!

Time to shape up

A huge part of our new curriculum is self improvement. That said, I'm disappointed in some of the things that I've been doing and want to improve.

Fitness Goals: feel better about yourself
-stop snacking; empty calories--> fatty
-avoid carb-heavy meals
-dessert is not a staple!
-work is never going to end so make time for yourself: WORK OUT

Studying skills:
-Stay focused: organize your time about what NEEDS to be done vs indulging every little whim


That said, I doubt these goals will be actualization this week. I'm STILL sick and this week is probably one of the toughest weeks I've had in med school so far. I'm sure that I will look back at this list and smile because it will be super easy in comparison to what I'll be doing in the future, but STILL! To make things worse, my rock Mamacita is in Mexico so I can't call her for support. Looks like it will be a tough one! BTW, did I mention, I'm running in a marathon on Sunday? Hope I get better SOON!

Mom's here!

Unpublished post from last weekend:

Horray! My Mom is here for a visit! I have the best Mom in the world... driving up from Chicago for a day visit! :)

Mom honked the whole way down Mayfield. I was so excited that I ran out of the apartment to see her.

I feel so lucky to spend time with my Mom. I appreciated every minute of her short trip here! Come back soon!

Lazy but happy?

I've been feeling really happy lately. This surprises me I guess because I expected medical school to be the most challenging experience that I've been through so far. I feel like I'm finally doing what I want to be doing and somehow despite myself, I've been feeling relaxed!

At Smith I really pressured myself to be the best of the best. After all, if I wasn't then how would I get into med school, let alone an MD/PhD program? When I had the opportunity to join my dream school with an MD/PhD a few months ago, I realized that I wasn't excited by the idea of it anymore. My dreams had changed but what exactly caused the change is still unclear. Part of me thinks who cares what the reason is as long as I'm happy. But another part of me is worried that I'm losing my motivation, the drive that I used to define myself with.

This week I became concerned that these changes may be something more permanent and may affect lifelong decisions so I should probably think about these changes a bit more. In med school we have organizations like in college but they are more specialty-oriented like "future surgeons" or "dermatology interest group." I've been going to almost all of these meetings so far because 1.) I'm not sure what I might be interested in and 2.) there is free food at all of these meetings. The free food is definitely what convinced me to go to the family medicine interest group this week.

Family medicine? Um yeah right. That sounded like such a "cop-out" in terms of medical professions. The common cold? Gosh give me a break. I went to the meeting thinking that I would get some free food and have an hour to check my email. I was really surprised to hear the faculty mentor speaking about how she choose family medicine and what she actually does on a daily basis. From preventing an MI, to a gyno exam, to teaching a family how they can start reading to an infant, her profession sounded so much more rewarding than I imagined it could be. And the variety of cases and teamwork approach to her daily work really interested me. That said, I was surprised to find myself interested in this profession but let myself feel that way.

The next day was a surgery interest group. Surgery is the "gunner" profession of medicine. Known for its ridiculous hours and tremendous pressure, only the most dedicated professionals can make it through the profession. After my experience at the heart hospital in Phoenix, I saw just how hard surgery was but thought that I would be able to manage it. After all, I always thought of myself as a gunner and an athlete... someone who could definitely give surgery a run for its money. When I went to the meeting I was really disturbed by what I heard the surgery residents telling us. Referring to themselves as "angry" and "tired" as well as calling themselves "the ones that everyone else depends on" really bothered me. Besides the blatant cockiness, I was disgusted that the one male resident spoke over and even for the other two female residents during the panel discussion, going as far as describing their research!! Why the female residents thought that this was ok infuriated me and I ended up leaving the meeting early.

What is going on with me? Am I giving up on working hard and being a gunner because I am intimidated by the challenge? Or am I just listening to what I think will make me happy, really happy even if it's not the things that I always imagined it to be?

Learning about how to mess up a fetus!

I definitely haven't been keeping things updated as much as I would like. With all the info that gets thrown at us in everyday in med school, it's hard for me to justify time to write about my thoughts. Thinking? When do I have time for that?? Haha

Actually things aren't that bad. Luckily, I really enjoy the material. Phew it would be super rough if I found out that I didn't like medicine after all. I feel like I've had a pretty good balance with everything so far. I've been doing tons of work but not too much. I've definitely been having fun living life too and I think that's important too because I have a looong way ahead of me!

These past few weeks we have been learning about embryology and fetal developing. Wow, with all the grotesque things that can go wrong at every point in development, it's a miracle that there are over a billion normal people walking around! And learning about pregnancy and labor has left me with one thought: 10 cm?! Honestly??

Luckily I still have a long time to consider 10cm. I'm feel a little lazy tonight and I'm going to run with it. I'm sure that I will be overwhelmed with work soon enough and focus again soon. In the meantime, I want to take time to be grateful. I feel so lucky that I'm doing something that I really enjoy doing and have so many wonderful people in my life... what a blessing!

One block down!

So my first block of medical school is completed... horray! :) We had SSEQs on Thursday (Summary synthesis essay questions) and a CAT multiple choice exam (cumulative achievement test) on Friday that has questions similar to the National Board Exam so we can track our progress in relation to the rest of the class and the rest of the nation. I was a little concerned about my first exam in medical school, but I think it went well. Just like at Smith, no matter how much work you do to prepare for an exam, there are always a bunch of crazys who try to out-do you with the amount of work they do. I felt pretty confident going into the exam and am happy that I found a good way to study by the end of this block.

So this weekend is my last really guilty-free lazy weekend. On Monday we start the next block and it looks tough! Tons of work and the pace looks slightly insane. I hope that I remember to enjoy things as much as possible and to stay excited about it all. I don't want to lose enthusiasm for the material or be a complainer; remember, this is such a gift to be here! So hang in there and do the best that you can! :)

I went for a run today and it felt so great. Like my swim coach would always remind me, "If we perform well on the days that we don't feel great, think of the things that we can do when we feel good." During my cooldown I had one of those endorphin-inspired moments of being grateful: for my new life, my new neighborhood, my new friends, my family, for everything falling into place. I feel really lucky and hope that I can remember feeling this way when the tough times that inevitably await me arrive.

BTW, shout out my cousin Ola.... it was great talking to you. I'm so proud of you and everything that you are doing. I'm especially proud/excited that Steven has a blog that I can use to stalk your adventures. Love you!

Can't sleep

3am and I can't sleep. Awesome. Did I make the right decision? I hope so and I think so. I'm worried that now that I've made up my mind I'm not being responsible about my decision. Seriously, it's such a gift to be here in med school. Am I wasting it by skimming through readings to finish early enough to go out to much? Or is it ok that I'm trying to enjoy the "summer" of Block 1 before "real" med school starts??

I hate Northwestern

So there has been quite a bit of drama this past week and I wish that I had started to use this blog to figure things out sooner. Last week I got an email from Northwestern MSTP offering me a spot. Northwestern, the program that was my top choice for such a long time. Northwestern, the school that everyone kept hoping I would get into.

What kind of cruel irony is it that I get into Northwestern now that I am really starting to get used to life at Case (after being here a month already)?! I was really shocked when I first received the email of acceptance; I didn't know what I should. I have to admit that I even considered not telling anyone. I am really happy here and that email threatened everything that I had done so far to assimilate to Case.

So obviously the email brought up a lot more questions. Do I want to do MSTP now that my top program accepted me? Can I picture my life as an MSTP student after living a month as an MD only student? What about all the money that I will get as an MSTP? But will it be worth it? Did I even like Northwestern? Or did I just say it was my top choice because it was in Chicago?

After thinking about this long and hard, the thing that I struggled with the most was the thought of leaving everyone that I've met here and the life that I started to make for myself here. I decided that I wanted to stay at Case. I love the personalized education here at Case: group discussions rather than lectures and an emphasis on life-long learning, not memorization really attracted me to the school in the first place. Plus, I really like the fact that I'm starting to prove that I CAN make it here on my own. It was so exciting to meet new people, be in a brand new place, and prove that I can do it... but I don't think I would want to do it all again to go to Northwestern.

Besides the fact that I'm passing up an opportunity for a "free" MD, my decision had consequences with my relationship with Jarek. He, rightly so, pointed out that if I wanted it to work out between us, I would have chosen to move to Northwestern; but I didn't. Things were so perfect with him before I left for school. I guess I really didn't take into consideration how difficult it would be to maintain a relationship long distance while trying to make a life for myself here in Cleveland. And now that I'm staying here in Cleveland, 4years just seems a little crazy to wait on a relationship. Plus, being around all these older med students made me question my own maturity. Jarek and I had talked (and even planned) on marriage for a long time but now that I'm in med school, I really started to wonder whether I was realistic about it all. I'm 22, he's 28. He's waaay more ready than I am. And as I get ready to start to create my own career, I'm not sure if I want to be limited in my choices. As selfish and awful as that sounds, I want to focus on myself for awhile. I feel like he can make more serious decisions because he already has a career whereas I'm still figuring out who I want to be and what I want to do. The very fact that I was having these thoughts convinced me that I should have "the talk" with Jarek. Once we started talking, I knew that we needed to end it because I had already accepted the idea of it. I feel so awful for hurting him, because he didn't do anything wrong. I feel awful that I ruined the relationship and that I brought about the end through my decision to stay at Case. But somehow, for some reason that I don't really understand, it feels like something that I have to do right now. Maybe in a few months I will end up regretting my decision to pass up a free MD and my decision to end something that once was really special, but I can only make my decision based on what I feel right now. And right now, even if I don't know why, it just doesn't feel right to do MSTP and it doesn't feel right to stay with Jarek.

It's so hard for me to realize that my decision had repercussions on so many different people. Besides absolutely crushing Jarek (I feel like the worst person in the world), my parents took my decision very hard. They just couldn't understand why I would give up on something that I had fought for so long to achieve. But the more that I think about it, the more that I realize that I wasn't really realistic about MSTP. I guess I COULD do it (I'm qualified, after all) but do I WANT to do it?? It's hard for my parents to understand that I would rather start my life off with 1000s of dollars in debt than take this prestigious position. I'm not sure if I even understand why I'm doing this. I'm just doing what feels right right now. Gosh, I sure hope that I'm doing the right thing.

Still alive!

Although I had originally planned on posting almost daily for my blog, itÂ’s been three weeks since my last post (as my cousin Ola complained to me in an email; sorry Ola!). Things got crazy real fast at med school. The biggest problem was getting my computer set up. Even though it was a new computer, the Case ITS people were "fixing" my computer for 20+ days- insane! They were on such a power trip!

I finally have my computer back and life here has been picking up really quickly. It's a little exhausting to get back in the grind of things and get to know tons of new people, but it's been fun overall. I've been going out a lot, more than usual, because I keep thinking that this might be one of the last times that I have time to go out and enjoy myself.

One of the things that struck me the most about med school is how I feel that I got waaay older the day that I started. All of a sudden, my classmates are married, have families, and have PhDs. Awesome. Did I mention that I'm 22? Haha. Being around so many mature and accomplished people definitely made me feel a little insecure. So although I feel older now that I'm surrounded by mature people and now that I am (successfully!) living on my own, I can't help feel like I am pretty immature and young compared to everyone else.

I try to remind myself that despite other people being older (and having PhDs already!), I AM qualified to be here. The work is picking up but I'm excited that all of the work is pretty enjoyable. Medicine is definitely the thing for me to do. I hope that I don't get overwhelmed with the work. I want to remember to take advantage of the fact that school is PASS/FAIL and not drive myself crazy. I hope that I can really take good care of myself and get enough sleep. So far, I've been taking pretty good care of myself living on my own, but definitely not getting the ideal amount of sleep. (That's what the weekends are for, right?)

About to become a medical student!

I'm sitting at a Starbucks near my apartment early on Monday morning. Who was I kidding? I won't be able to sleep in on a day like today! I'm going to start medical school today!! The move into my apartment went very smoothly; I'm getting to be a pro at moving myself back and forth across the country! I'm sitting here in disbelief. Did I really graduate from Smith? Am I really not going to be living in the quad anymore? Is my summer vacation really over? Dude, am I REALLY living on my own in a sweet apartment? AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, am I REALLY about to start medical school today? Ohhhh my goodness!!

I want to remember all the crazy things going through my head today because, quite honestly, I don't think that I have a very good idea of what is waiting for me these next 4 years. Regardless of what happens over the next few weeks, months, and years I want to make SURE that I stay excited and enthusiastic. Dude, I'm FINALLY studying the things that interest me most: the body! When I get frustrated or tired, I want to remember that it is such a privilege to be in medical school starting to learn about how the human body works. How exciting!!

I also want to promise myself that I will not get too carried away with my excitement for learning about the human body. I promise to take time to take good care of myself too. I want to make sure that I work out everyday (night time routine with abs, legs, pushups) and try to do cardio 5x a week. I feel better about myself when I work out: I feel confident, am optimistic, and energetic. I want to make sure that I take good care of myself physically because it translates to good emotional and mental health. So Natalia, it makes sense to sacrifice time to work out and take good care of myself.

I also want to make sure that I eat well. This is my first time cooking on my own. Now that I have the choice to eat any way that I want, I want to make sure that I make good choices. This is not Smith anymore, so there is no reason for dessert splurges! I feel better when I eat food that is good for me. Things like ruffles sour cream & onion chips are a temporary pleasure but they make me feel heavy and fat after so let's keep those to a minimum. Plus I don't have my Smith friends with me to snack late at night; just not as fun without them!

So besides taking good care of myself, I hope that I really enjoy my experience in medical school. I hope that besides being a good student and enthusiastically learning about the human body, I hope that I can make great friends and have fun. OK more updates later as an official medical student. Wish me luck on my first day! :)

Excited and nervous!

Gosh, can you believe that my summer ends THIS WEEK?! Ohhh my goodness! Tomorrow I pack up the cars (let's keep our fingers crossed that all of my stuff fits!) and start the move to Cleveland. I really can't believe that it's time to leave already!

I think the thing that is keeping me from getting sad about leaving my family and Jarek (again!) to start school is the fact that I have a really hot apartment. Haha. Hey it's the little things that add up. :) I'm excited to get myself settled in my first apartment and organize (yay!) my new life. My parents helped me find/fund some really cool furniture. It looks like I will have a really f.King. hot apartment; hopefully I will be able to enjoy it at least a little bit this year! (On a side note, I just realized that not many people would pick up on the "f.King" stuff; I miss Smith sooo much, especially Franklin King house!!)

Like the title of this post indicates, I am feeling a little excited AND (a lot) nervous. Things that I am concerned about: my amazing group of Smith friends won't be there!!, living on my own all by myself, making new friends, getting lonely in a new place, not liking Cleveland, missing home and everyone there. Things that I am excited about: becoming a doctor(!!!!!), meeting new people, the opportunity to start fresh and new, overcoming challenges, organizing my hot apartment, proving to myself that I can be a functional adult. :)

Surprise!

Ooohh my goodness. What a crazy weekend!! So on Wednesday my Mom let me know that my family from Canada were coming up for a short visit for the weekend. How nice! Gosh, I was super excited about that. An 8+ hour drive for the weekend? I felt so lucky that I would get to see them before heading out to med school.

We had such a blast together. Late night talks, long meals, even longer discussions... it was wonderful! After eating a huge lunch on Saturday and walking around the Chicago Botanical Garden, my cousin Rysio asked if I could take him to a computer store to check out some laptops for him. Sure! We walked around Best buy (which I feel like I could do forever; so much fun stuff that I can't afford) for over an hour. We played video games, chatted, and had a good time. I was glad that Rysio and I could have some one-on-one time together. After we left Best Buy, he asked if I could take him out for ice cream. No way! We were on our way to dinner at my brothers! No ice cream BEFORE dinner. :)

Jarek decided to drive us to the dinner at my brothers. I was a little annoyed at him because he was half an hour late (I hate being late!). I was worried that my sister-in-law, Gigi, would be annoyed for keeping everyone waiting. When we got to their house, the boys (my two nephews 10 and 8) were outside playing. They ran into the house and we went after them. When we walked through their new house for the first time (soo nice!), Gigi led me outside. When I stepped out to the porch all of a sudden..... SURPRISE!!!!



Instead of my parents,aunt, and uncle, there were 25+ people yelling surprise. Ohh my goodness!! I had absolutely NO idea what this was about. I was so shocked that I think I turned around at one point to see if this was for someone else. Wow! A surprise party for me? What? Wait, why? Haha. My closest family and friends had been planning a surprise graduation/going away party for me for weeks! And I didn't know about it! I'm usually soo good about guessing surprises or making my mom tell me, but I had no clue about this one! Ohhhh, so THAT'S why my family from Canada came up only for a few days. Ohhhh, so THAT'S why Rysio tried to stall at Best Buy and with ice cream. Ohh so that's why Jarek was late. Oh my goodness. I totally fell for it all! I was really touched by the party.

After four years of overcoming challenges at Smith by myself or with the help of my parents, it was really overwhelming to see such loving open support from my family and friends. Everyone wanted to congratulate me and wish me luck. Gosh, it was so amazingly wonderful!

I have to admit that I was stayed surprised throughout the night. Was this really for me? Wow, these people care about me so much. What did I do to deserve this? Wow! For one of the first times, I was really embarrassed to have so much attention on me! I really enjoyed being able to have one-on-one conversations with these old family and friends. They offered such sincere congratulations and such honest and caring advice. I was so grateful!! Some great advice: "Don't forget to have time for life; you are only young once so enjoy it while you can." "Don't forget to learn how to take care of patients that might not always be able to afford the best treatment."

My dad also gave a really nice speech during dinner for me. We may disagree a lot (out of our shared stubbornness) but there was no doubt in my mind that my dad and everyone there that night really loved me and cared about me. I feel so grateful for the love and support of my family and friends. I'm so grateful for all the effort that had to go into planning the party, coming to the party, and hosting the party. Thank you all so much. I couldn't think of a more perfect way to end the summer in Chicago.

A place to live!

Yay! I have an apartment! It's quite possibly the coolest one in Cleveland (and I can say that because I looked at tons!).

So here's the scoop on the hottest place ever: it's brand new! I will be the first person to live there. Soo hot!

My parents and I went to see the first apartment and from the look on my parents faces, the realtor knew RIGHT AWAY not to mess with us. Haha. We were really lucky to see the apartment because it isn't officially being shown yet. It's soo hot! And I'm very excited! I think the coolest part about the apartment (besides the fact that it's MINE) is that I have my own washer and dryer in the apartment; I won't have to worry about people stealing my stuff. Sweet!

It's really cool to know that I have a place to live. Slowly but surely I'm starting to feel more ready to move to Cleveland. Now that I have a place to live, I'm obsessing about exciting things like color schemes and furniture arrangements. Ooo! I want it to be *hot!*

Here are some pics. Remember that it's not finished yet! I will have a floor! :)



The lease! Soo serious!

Apartment shopping

I'm returning to Cleveland on Monday to check out apartments for a second time. Gosh, there are so many cool apartments and for a pretty decent price in the area! As of now, I'm narrowing down my search by making sure that the apartment is walking distance to the med school campus; I def don't want to be dealing with parking my first year!

I'm going with my dad to Cleveland. Aah a whole day with my dad? Let's keep our fingers crossed that we don't kill each other in the first hour or so. :) Our tempers aside, I'm really glad that he is going with me. I have to admit that I'm a little overwhelmed with the choices that go into finding an apartment, especially for the first time. I'm glad that I have a real adult to help me make some decisions. :)

It's also starting to get really hot in Chicago. Recently, I've been using any excuse that I can get my hands on to avoid going on runs. When did running stop being fun for me? I want to return to feeling healthy but somehow forcing myself to run near a four lane road isn't always the most enjoyable thing. I really hope that I can find a more enjoyable way of staying fit before medical starts.

Some thoughts about becoming an adult (?!!)

It's so weird. When I was getting ready to go to Smith, my first time away from home, 1000s of miles away, not knowing a single person, I was not scared at all (or at least that I can remember). Now that I've had a few years of living on my "own" (Smith-style), gained 4 years of experience and maturity (supposedly), you would think that moving away again would not be as terrifying as it really is. It's so hard for me to realize that in only a few weeks, I'm going to have to start all over again. New friends. New places. Introductions. New names. My concerns are ones that I feel that I should have overcome in grade school. What if I don't make any friends? What if I get homesick? What if I don't like it there?

And as all these concerns run through my mind I have to admit that the question of whether I'm really ready to do any of this comes up again and again. Can I really be responsible for other people's lives as a doctor, if I am worried about being able to take care of myself? For now, I'm trying to push all the doubt back and have faith in myself and take babysteps along the way.

It's just so crazy to think about it all. Am I really ready to be an adult? Live on my own? Have my own apartment? Be responsible for all that comes with that? Balance my budget without having my parents as backup plans? Wow. When did this all happen?? Am I really ready?

Smith was such a nice transition for me from high school only child living at home to college living. But did all the perks at Smith put me at a disadvantage for starting the real world living? I'm going to really miss having my friends live next door, being able to chat at any time of the day with them, eating meals with them. Man! Because I'm not planning on having a roommate I am worried that I will end up eating most of my meals alone in my apartment, by myself. OMG, I'm going to be such a looooser! What do other people do? Isn't eating alone a sign of a problem? Wait, maybe that's drinking. Or is eating alone a problem too? Gosh, I hope I figure this all out soon!

More about Smith

Now that I'm not typing underlined any more, I can continue with obsessing about Smith! So after all of the fun of Miami, it was time for us all to go back to Smith and finish the semester together. I went through all the motions of senior activities in denial that this really was senior year and that our days together were numbered. King House Senior Banquet was insane! The prophecies and songs were so funny, or maybe we just thought they were because the underclasswomen were getting us drunk. :) My prophecy included something about becoming a really stylist doctor and saving the world but then deciding to become the first female Pope and making the position super hot. Haha. Meredith, Salina, Christine, and I had a blast together! Some of the craziness:




The next day we had senior ball. Aren't all my friends gorgeous?! The food was amazing but it was so surreal to see all of our class together that night; I saw people that I hadn't seen since first year!

Hotties:




After the senior activities, the end of the year came really quickly. We spent senior week going to Montreal, going to Mohegan Sun casino, and packing up our lives slowly, but surely. Before we knew it, our families were here!

Smith! Over?

I still can't believe that I'm done with Smith! My last year was definitely the most enjoyable. Even though I kept myself busy with applying to schools, interviewing all over the place, and writing my thesis, senior year was the most fun ever.

I have a wonderful group of friends at Smith to thank for that. Our group came together early in the fall and there just was no stopping us then. From winter weekend partying (friends forever!), to late night "study" sessions, to the OC and ANTM... we got off to a great start. Here is a pic of us hotties when it all started in Winter Weekend.

We quickly became an inseparable crew going to meals at the Asian house (Comstock/Wilder), claiming our table at King/Scales, and at abs class. After breaking for Jterm (my first one away from Smith), we returned to Smith to enjoy our last semester together in style. Especially fun was a trip to Miami for WMC 2006; I still can't believe that we danced until the morning, slept until the late afternoon, and ended up only eating once a day! Crazy!

Here are a few pics from Miami madness:

It was all so fun! These girls are the best! :)

I'm not sure why all my writing is underlined now. Weird. I'll work on fixing that. :)

First post!

Hi everyone!

Although I've kept a journal on/off for most of my life, I've become waay too computer-dependent to write in it anymore (writing by hand is sooo slow!). I definitely want to remember and share everything that has been going on in my life. So many big changes have happened in such a short amount of time: graduating from Smith, leaving my friends, returning to Chicago, getting accepted into med school (!!!!!), preparing for *another* big move in a few weeks, realizing that I have to become a responsible "adult" asap... so much craziness.

More posts to come on all of the above. :)

More than anything else, I hope that you can use this website to check up on how I'm doing (hopefully surviving med school) and my reactions to it all. I have a feeling that these next few years are going to be hectic and busy. In case I start slacking on keeping you in touch with everything, please check this website to check up on me.

P.S. Thanks to Miss Eve for giving me the idea for starting a blog; Can you believe that she is blogging in Uganda? Crazy!