Unpublished post from last weekend:
Horray! My Mom is here for a visit! I have the best Mom in the world... driving up from Chicago for a day visit! :)
Mom honked the whole way down Mayfield. I was so excited that I ran out of the apartment to see her.
I feel so lucky to spend time with my Mom. I appreciated every minute of her short trip here! Come back soon!
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Friday, September 22, 2006
Lazy but happy?
I've been feeling really happy lately. This surprises me I guess because I expected medical school to be the most challenging experience that I've been through so far. I feel like I'm finally doing what I want to be doing and somehow despite myself, I've been feeling relaxed!
At Smith I really pressured myself to be the best of the best. After all, if I wasn't then how would I get into med school, let alone an MD/PhD program? When I had the opportunity to join my dream school with an MD/PhD a few months ago, I realized that I wasn't excited by the idea of it anymore. My dreams had changed but what exactly caused the change is still unclear. Part of me thinks who cares what the reason is as long as I'm happy. But another part of me is worried that I'm losing my motivation, the drive that I used to define myself with.
This week I became concerned that these changes may be something more permanent and may affect lifelong decisions so I should probably think about these changes a bit more. In med school we have organizations like in college but they are more specialty-oriented like "future surgeons" or "dermatology interest group." I've been going to almost all of these meetings so far because 1.) I'm not sure what I might be interested in and 2.) there is free food at all of these meetings. The free food is definitely what convinced me to go to the family medicine interest group this week.
Family medicine? Um yeah right. That sounded like such a "cop-out" in terms of medical professions. The common cold? Gosh give me a break. I went to the meeting thinking that I would get some free food and have an hour to check my email. I was really surprised to hear the faculty mentor speaking about how she choose family medicine and what she actually does on a daily basis. From preventing an MI, to a gyno exam, to teaching a family how they can start reading to an infant, her profession sounded so much more rewarding than I imagined it could be. And the variety of cases and teamwork approach to her daily work really interested me. That said, I was surprised to find myself interested in this profession but let myself feel that way.
The next day was a surgery interest group. Surgery is the "gunner" profession of medicine. Known for its ridiculous hours and tremendous pressure, only the most dedicated professionals can make it through the profession. After my experience at the heart hospital in Phoenix, I saw just how hard surgery was but thought that I would be able to manage it. After all, I always thought of myself as a gunner and an athlete... someone who could definitely give surgery a run for its money. When I went to the meeting I was really disturbed by what I heard the surgery residents telling us. Referring to themselves as "angry" and "tired" as well as calling themselves "the ones that everyone else depends on" really bothered me. Besides the blatant cockiness, I was disgusted that the one male resident spoke over and even for the other two female residents during the panel discussion, going as far as describing their research!! Why the female residents thought that this was ok infuriated me and I ended up leaving the meeting early.
What is going on with me? Am I giving up on working hard and being a gunner because I am intimidated by the challenge? Or am I just listening to what I think will make me happy, really happy even if it's not the things that I always imagined it to be?
At Smith I really pressured myself to be the best of the best. After all, if I wasn't then how would I get into med school, let alone an MD/PhD program? When I had the opportunity to join my dream school with an MD/PhD a few months ago, I realized that I wasn't excited by the idea of it anymore. My dreams had changed but what exactly caused the change is still unclear. Part of me thinks who cares what the reason is as long as I'm happy. But another part of me is worried that I'm losing my motivation, the drive that I used to define myself with.
This week I became concerned that these changes may be something more permanent and may affect lifelong decisions so I should probably think about these changes a bit more. In med school we have organizations like in college but they are more specialty-oriented like "future surgeons" or "dermatology interest group." I've been going to almost all of these meetings so far because 1.) I'm not sure what I might be interested in and 2.) there is free food at all of these meetings. The free food is definitely what convinced me to go to the family medicine interest group this week.
Family medicine? Um yeah right. That sounded like such a "cop-out" in terms of medical professions. The common cold? Gosh give me a break. I went to the meeting thinking that I would get some free food and have an hour to check my email. I was really surprised to hear the faculty mentor speaking about how she choose family medicine and what she actually does on a daily basis. From preventing an MI, to a gyno exam, to teaching a family how they can start reading to an infant, her profession sounded so much more rewarding than I imagined it could be. And the variety of cases and teamwork approach to her daily work really interested me. That said, I was surprised to find myself interested in this profession but let myself feel that way.
The next day was a surgery interest group. Surgery is the "gunner" profession of medicine. Known for its ridiculous hours and tremendous pressure, only the most dedicated professionals can make it through the profession. After my experience at the heart hospital in Phoenix, I saw just how hard surgery was but thought that I would be able to manage it. After all, I always thought of myself as a gunner and an athlete... someone who could definitely give surgery a run for its money. When I went to the meeting I was really disturbed by what I heard the surgery residents telling us. Referring to themselves as "angry" and "tired" as well as calling themselves "the ones that everyone else depends on" really bothered me. Besides the blatant cockiness, I was disgusted that the one male resident spoke over and even for the other two female residents during the panel discussion, going as far as describing their research!! Why the female residents thought that this was ok infuriated me and I ended up leaving the meeting early.
What is going on with me? Am I giving up on working hard and being a gunner because I am intimidated by the challenge? Or am I just listening to what I think will make me happy, really happy even if it's not the things that I always imagined it to be?
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Learning about how to mess up a fetus!
I definitely haven't been keeping things updated as much as I would like. With all the info that gets thrown at us in everyday in med school, it's hard for me to justify time to write about my thoughts. Thinking? When do I have time for that?? Haha
Actually things aren't that bad. Luckily, I really enjoy the material. Phew it would be super rough if I found out that I didn't like medicine after all. I feel like I've had a pretty good balance with everything so far. I've been doing tons of work but not too much. I've definitely been having fun living life too and I think that's important too because I have a looong way ahead of me!
These past few weeks we have been learning about embryology and fetal developing. Wow, with all the grotesque things that can go wrong at every point in development, it's a miracle that there are over a billion normal people walking around! And learning about pregnancy and labor has left me with one thought: 10 cm?! Honestly??
Luckily I still have a long time to consider 10cm. I'm feel a little lazy tonight and I'm going to run with it. I'm sure that I will be overwhelmed with work soon enough and focus again soon. In the meantime, I want to take time to be grateful. I feel so lucky that I'm doing something that I really enjoy doing and have so many wonderful people in my life... what a blessing!
Actually things aren't that bad. Luckily, I really enjoy the material. Phew it would be super rough if I found out that I didn't like medicine after all. I feel like I've had a pretty good balance with everything so far. I've been doing tons of work but not too much. I've definitely been having fun living life too and I think that's important too because I have a looong way ahead of me!
These past few weeks we have been learning about embryology and fetal developing. Wow, with all the grotesque things that can go wrong at every point in development, it's a miracle that there are over a billion normal people walking around! And learning about pregnancy and labor has left me with one thought: 10 cm?! Honestly??
Luckily I still have a long time to consider 10cm. I'm feel a little lazy tonight and I'm going to run with it. I'm sure that I will be overwhelmed with work soon enough and focus again soon. In the meantime, I want to take time to be grateful. I feel so lucky that I'm doing something that I really enjoy doing and have so many wonderful people in my life... what a blessing!
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