Sunday, May 10, 2009
Lucky lady :)
I am on my acting internship in OB this month. I'm loving it so far (more details later) but I wanted to post about my first day post-call. I came home today after a 30 hr shift at work. David was at home waiting for me. He understood what it meant when I said that my day was "fine." He understood that we would talk later and didn't take it personally that I was too exhausted to tell him that I missed him. After taking a glorious post-call 3hr nap, I woke up to find out that David had been busy with a special surprise. He went out and got some of my favorite things to indulge in after call- sloppy joes, my favorite beer, my favorite lemonade, scallops for a special dinner. Despite my lack of sleep, I couldn't help smiling and being excited to spend the rest of my day off with him! It meant so much to me that he understood what a rough night of call can feel like and that he gave me time to relax before I talked about my day. And the fact that he did this all while he is on his ENT AI makes me feel just that much more special. I feel so lucky to have such a caring, thoughtful, and understanding fiance! I think that we make a great team. :)
Monday, April 27, 2009
Goal for 25
I turned 25 this weekend. I was worried about turning 25. It sounds old, I guess. I can remember thinking 25 was really old. I guess it freaked me out because I thought that by 25 I would have a job, be living independently (sorry mom & dad), be married, have kids, etc. Instead, I'm still in school, I still shamelessly appreciate my parents driving Cleveland to get me a nice meal and stock my fridge, and have no money in sight for the next decade. Ouch. Instead of worrying about it too much, I tried to be pro-active and think about things that I wanted to do in the next 25 years. So here is my list:
1.) Be healthy & active. It's not easy to take good care of yourself when busy. I want to make sure I make my health my priority. I took a jump start on this goal- I ran a 10 mile race on my birthday morning and got my lifetime best time. :)
2.) Find a job. Get a good residency, work hard, train well, earn a living. Seems easy enough, right?
3.) Learn how to be a good wife. Get married next year, learn how to have a healthy marriage during residency and 80 hr work weeks, don't get too grouchy post-call, make time for each other.
4.) Pay back my parents, somehow. Take good care of them- it's my turn. Help them make each year their happiest & healthiest. Try not to lecture about health stuff too much.
5.) Have kids. There will never be enough money or enough time in my line of work.
6.) Do something for myself everyday. Running, reading, bath, cooking a fun recipe, walking Olive- whatever it is and whatever it becomes, I want to make sure I try to find time for being a healthy happy person
7.) Get back into yoga. It makes me stronger, healthier, happier.
8.) Start swimming again. Join a team.
9.) Keep in touch with friends. Friends from home, college, med school, and beyond- I have met so many wonderful people that I want to keep in my life wherever I go next. There are no excuses- phone/texting/twitter/facebook/email makes it so easy to say hello.
10.) Find a passion in medicine. Love what you do at work and be happy you are doing it everyday (or most days).
1.) Be healthy & active. It's not easy to take good care of yourself when busy. I want to make sure I make my health my priority. I took a jump start on this goal- I ran a 10 mile race on my birthday morning and got my lifetime best time. :)
2.) Find a job. Get a good residency, work hard, train well, earn a living. Seems easy enough, right?
3.) Learn how to be a good wife. Get married next year, learn how to have a healthy marriage during residency and 80 hr work weeks, don't get too grouchy post-call, make time for each other.
4.) Pay back my parents, somehow. Take good care of them- it's my turn. Help them make each year their happiest & healthiest. Try not to lecture about health stuff too much.
5.) Have kids. There will never be enough money or enough time in my line of work.
6.) Do something for myself everyday. Running, reading, bath, cooking a fun recipe, walking Olive- whatever it is and whatever it becomes, I want to make sure I try to find time for being a healthy happy person
7.) Get back into yoga. It makes me stronger, healthier, happier.
8.) Start swimming again. Join a team.
9.) Keep in touch with friends. Friends from home, college, med school, and beyond- I have met so many wonderful people that I want to keep in my life wherever I go next. There are no excuses- phone/texting/twitter/facebook/email makes it so easy to say hello.
10.) Find a passion in medicine. Love what you do at work and be happy you are doing it everyday (or most days).
Monday, February 23, 2009
Soon to be GRINDLER MD!!!!!
In case you missed it out of all the craziness and excitement, David proposed and we are engaged to be married!!! The week that I got into Case for medical school I got a Chinese fortune cookie that said "there will be big changes but you will be happy." Boy was that fortune cookie right! Since starting medical school, I met David, we moved in together, we bought a dog, we remodeled our townhouse together, we learned how to become physicians, and best of all we are happy! I could not have planned a happier or more exciting three years of my life!As we continue to move forward in our lives, we plan to get married in early May of 2010, graduate and officially become Grindler MDs in mid-May 2010, and start residency in July 2010! So many exciting things!
I'm working on a wedding website now to talk about how we met and our wedding plans. Contact me for the site!
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Karma
On my neurology service I have seen many examples that life is just not fair. A woman in her 30s who had been trying to get pregnant for several years finally does, only to experience a seizure; we scan her head and find that she has metastatic lung cancer. She was a smoker when she was a teenager. Now she is faced with the decision to aggressively treat her cancer and live an extra few months or give her future child a chance even though it will mean that her child will never have a mother.
I have also seen an example of how sometimes the bad things that you have done to others can catch up with you. We had a world famous neurosurgeon on our neurology service as a patient this week. Neurosurgeons are notorious for bragging about the very worst residency lifestyle- on call overnight at the hospital every 2nd or 3rd night, bragging about working 120 hours a week, excited that they were only home for 8 total hours this week. The long years of sleep deprivation and the surgical culture bred throughout training makes many of these surgeons unpleasant to say the least. Our patient this week was a neurosurgeon who suffered a traumatic brain injury after driving intoxicated on his way to a surgical conference. Last week, he was doing life or death procedures on brains and making nurses/residents/students cry on a daily basis on the side. His life as a neurosurgeon was mean- he was well-known for being one of the meanest humiliating surgeons around. This week, he is a patient and is slowly starting to realize how humbling it really is. The patient maintained his bossy cruel demanding personality at first. As he realized the extend of his injury, the long road to rehabilitation ahead, and that he would never operate again despite those long years of training, he became a different man or at least tried to.
I met a neurosurgery resident this week and recognized the name. This neurosurgeon in training had paged me late on a Friday night after I had gone home to yell at me for an inconvenience that my staff physician had made. It was totally uncalled for (I was just a medical student, it wasn't my mistake, it wasn't a big deal) but I remember his name. After I met the patient-former neurosurgeon on our floor I thought of this resident again. Sure, he was tired and it wasn't fair that he was working so late... but how quickly it all can change and you can be at the mercy of your colleagues.
These experiences remind me- life isn't fair sometimes, but sometimes it is. I hope to work hard at being the best person I can be as well as the best physician- after all, they are not mutually exclusive.
I have also seen an example of how sometimes the bad things that you have done to others can catch up with you. We had a world famous neurosurgeon on our neurology service as a patient this week. Neurosurgeons are notorious for bragging about the very worst residency lifestyle- on call overnight at the hospital every 2nd or 3rd night, bragging about working 120 hours a week, excited that they were only home for 8 total hours this week. The long years of sleep deprivation and the surgical culture bred throughout training makes many of these surgeons unpleasant to say the least. Our patient this week was a neurosurgeon who suffered a traumatic brain injury after driving intoxicated on his way to a surgical conference. Last week, he was doing life or death procedures on brains and making nurses/residents/students cry on a daily basis on the side. His life as a neurosurgeon was mean- he was well-known for being one of the meanest humiliating surgeons around. This week, he is a patient and is slowly starting to realize how humbling it really is. The patient maintained his bossy cruel demanding personality at first. As he realized the extend of his injury, the long road to rehabilitation ahead, and that he would never operate again despite those long years of training, he became a different man or at least tried to.
I met a neurosurgery resident this week and recognized the name. This neurosurgeon in training had paged me late on a Friday night after I had gone home to yell at me for an inconvenience that my staff physician had made. It was totally uncalled for (I was just a medical student, it wasn't my mistake, it wasn't a big deal) but I remember his name. After I met the patient-former neurosurgeon on our floor I thought of this resident again. Sure, he was tired and it wasn't fair that he was working so late... but how quickly it all can change and you can be at the mercy of your colleagues.
These experiences remind me- life isn't fair sometimes, but sometimes it is. I hope to work hard at being the best person I can be as well as the best physician- after all, they are not mutually exclusive.
Thursday, January 08, 2009
A bad day
I'm finishing up my pediatrics rotation and feeling ready to reflect (and have a weekend off!). I have really surprised myself with how little emotion I feel when I'm working at the hospital. I always care about my patients but somehow it doesn't translate to an emotion. This changed when I started pediatrics- everything started to affect me. Before I describe today's bad day, I want to remember that there have been some really special moments in this rotation. I've witnessed and participated in more than 60 deliveries of an infant before starting peds- sure I thought it was awesome and special, but it wasn't until I was on the pediatrics side and when I was the person responsible for this seconds old new person that I realized how special it really was. And another patient I met in the hospital, an adorable 2 year old with some bad luck... I spent 2 weeks seeing her and when she was finally healthy enough to go home, her family left me a heartfelt note describing how much I helped them through a hard ordeal. I liked being able to appreciate how special those moments were.
Today was a day I wished that I could turn off my emotions and not let things affect me. One of my patients, a previously healthy 13 month old came to the hospital for a bad ear infection and today we had to tell the family that their only has a very severe form of leukemia. I overheard mom calling her parents saying, "Mom, pull over the car... are you pulled over? It's leukemia. It's bad. We are going to be the hospital for at least 6 months." I talked to dad who kept saying "He's all we have. Our lives revolve around him. He has to get through this." And after hearing all this, I learned from my attending that this form of leukemia has the most intense chemotherapy and very few kids are able to make it. Today would be a good day to be numb.
More sadness today- a 12 year old healthy child with complaints of diarrhea developed pancreatitis, then we diagnosed a severe inflammatory bowel disease, only to find that he had a cancer that no one in the history of medicine has survived; a baby born premature and with lots of complications is now 8 months old and ready to play but has had no visitors in the hospital so he just stares at the ceiling above his hospital crib; an 18 year old fighting cancer for several years, excited to go to prom this year, learning that her cancer is back and its back for good this time. Although I recognize that today is a particularly sad day, I can't but help thinking that this is too difficult to do everyday for the rest of my life. Although I am glad that I am not numb to sadness, I don't like that I come home and feel numb, so drained. It makes talking to friends and family difficult- how can I chat about what's new in my life when all I can think about are the experiences that have influenced my day? So basically, even though I've had some unbelievably positive experiences in peds, the few bads ones make me cross it off the list of career choices for me.
Today was a day I wished that I could turn off my emotions and not let things affect me. One of my patients, a previously healthy 13 month old came to the hospital for a bad ear infection and today we had to tell the family that their only has a very severe form of leukemia. I overheard mom calling her parents saying, "Mom, pull over the car... are you pulled over? It's leukemia. It's bad. We are going to be the hospital for at least 6 months." I talked to dad who kept saying "He's all we have. Our lives revolve around him. He has to get through this." And after hearing all this, I learned from my attending that this form of leukemia has the most intense chemotherapy and very few kids are able to make it. Today would be a good day to be numb.
More sadness today- a 12 year old healthy child with complaints of diarrhea developed pancreatitis, then we diagnosed a severe inflammatory bowel disease, only to find that he had a cancer that no one in the history of medicine has survived; a baby born premature and with lots of complications is now 8 months old and ready to play but has had no visitors in the hospital so he just stares at the ceiling above his hospital crib; an 18 year old fighting cancer for several years, excited to go to prom this year, learning that her cancer is back and its back for good this time. Although I recognize that today is a particularly sad day, I can't but help thinking that this is too difficult to do everyday for the rest of my life. Although I am glad that I am not numb to sadness, I don't like that I come home and feel numb, so drained. It makes talking to friends and family difficult- how can I chat about what's new in my life when all I can think about are the experiences that have influenced my day? So basically, even though I've had some unbelievably positive experiences in peds, the few bads ones make me cross it off the list of career choices for me.
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