I have to admit that I was really nervous to re-read the essay I wrote two years ago to get into medical school; I was anxious to look back at who I was then and to see how (if?) I had changed. In my essay, I wrote about how swimming was an activity I always loved and traced how I began to first identify as an athlete. I also described the struggle it was for me to take a break from swimming as a result of an injury. Ultimately, it was the encouragement of my father (an Olympic athlete) that I found the strength to realize that taking care of myself was part of being an athlete as well as part of learning how to become a doctor.
My first year of medical school was the best year of my life- meeting new friends, living on my own, feeling successful, managing classes, balancing life, and even learning how to be a puppy mama in my spare time- it really couldn’t have been better. Second year hit me as a stark contrast: I felt like I was never doing enough, I always felt behind in classes, my life was unbalanced, the pressure of boards was crushing, and I wasn’t healthy. I became a jaded negative medical student, someone who I never wanted to be. I forgot why I was working so hard and if it was worth it but remembered that I had too many loans and had invested too much time to give up just yet. Ultimately, it were my clinical experiences this year that helped inspire me to shake out of it and remind me of who I was and who I am now determined to be.
Exhausted, grumpy, and disgruntled that my afternoon of studies was interrupted, I arrived at the children’s hospital in
I learned more about the doctor that I hope to be during a communications workshop. In this workshop, we have actors as patients so that we can practice delivering bad news and other challenging communications skills that a medical student must learn. As I told my “patient” that she had a sexually transmitted disease, I could have stopped at describing the treatment for her disease. Instead of judging, I asked this patient if she felt safe and why she did not use protection. Although I had already met all the requirements for this workshop, I continued talking to this woman, trying to inspire her to take better care of herself. I found myself empowering this woman and giving her resources for how she could be more healthy and more safe. Even though this situation was not a real one, I realized some traits of the kind of physician that I hope to become. My experience at an all-women’s college made me aware of the challenges of gender; even more, it inspired me to become an advocate for women. I hope to use my experiences to empower women and encourage the best kind of health. I hope to treat more than the disease: I hope that I can help my patients self-actualize their potential as individual women.
I was able to see the full circle of medical care- patient, physician, family member, medical student- a few weeks ago when I went with my father to a doctor’s appointment. Before the physician arrived, I found myself asking the same questions and in the same rhythm that the physician did later on; maybe I was learning something about being a doctor after all. As the physician spoke with my father, I was impressed by how much information she was able to attain from her patient as well as by how much concern she was able to convey. I was able to ask questions that I knew my father would want to know the answers to and I was able to explain things to him again and to the rest of the family after the appointment. This doctor’s appointment with my father was one of the proudest moments I’ve had in medicine so far. I was so impressed that I was learning how to become a doctor; even more, I was impressed that what little I knew about medicine was useful and that it already allowed me to help my family.
It was clinical experiences like these that ultimately helped re-inspire me during a tough year and provide me with the motivation to continue working hard. I understand now more than I did before just how grueling being in medicine will be: my final weeks of block six and cramming neuroanatomy, head and neck anatomy, ortho, and boards review will not be easy; once block six is over, it will only become more challenging as I’m faced with reviewing for boards everyday for five weeks. Although the next few months will challenge me more than I have been before, I hope that seeing the big picture of the kind of physician I want to become will help me ultimately persevere and do my best. As I wrote several years ago and before I knew medicine, I am reminded of the passion with which I hope to become a physician: “My experience has given me an insight that will continue my interest in fitness and provide me with the resolve for a medical career: the ability to view changes as opportunities gained.”
