Today was a crazy busy day: leader in small group discussion, class (crazy biochem), 2 min lunch, drive to metro, CPCP until 5ish, back home, quick dinner, and then off to my healer's art elective until 9:30. By the time I got back home (and started writing this) it was past 10pm! Despite how busy today was (no checking the gossip columns every 5 mins today), it was one of my best days. Plus, I'm sure that looking back at today a week from now I will chuckle to myself about how "busy" I thought I was this week. Med school is constantly re-defining me: what I think is "busy", what I think it is possible for me to learn and understand... they change on a daily basis. Today was still a great day though and I hope that no matter how many times I "redefine" myself that I always find time to appreciate a good day.
I wasn't sure what to expect at a CPCP rotation at Metro. Metro, being the hospital that serves inner city Cleveland, sees the most diverse range of patients. Would people with GSWs walk into the internal medicine clinic? Haha. Needless to say, I was very excited about starting my rotation there. Although I didn't get to meet my preceptor, the person that I am "officially" supposed to follow all day, I shadowed another doctor and numerous other doctors welcomed me. I was really impressed by how everyone wanted to meet me and how welcomed I felt. For the first time as a med student, I didn't feel like I was a burden the whole time. I loved it!
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Friday, January 19, 2007
Snow day!
Yes, I'm posting on my blog at 11:30pm on a Friday night. Yes, I'm not even sure if anyone reads this. However, I have an excellent excuse to be staying in (besides the fact that people are anxiously awaiting my next post).... it's snowing! The way this "winter" (65F last week!) was going I was worried that it would never get here! And now it's snowing and I can blame my laziness on the weather. Horray!
I spent the night catching up on emails. The below post was edited shamelessly from an email I wrote to a good friend a few minutes ago. :)
I've been dating a guy from our med school for 6 months now. I really hesitated to date him because I was so concerned that I would hurt another guy after Jarek and because dating colleagues can't be a good idea. That said, it really has been going well. I think that I treated it the complete opposite way that I treated my past relationship and took things very light-heartedly. Def no wed planning a few months in! I haven't talked about him in my blog because I didn't want to jinx things and because I didn't want to admit to myself how well things were going. That said, despite all my efforts to keep things light-hearted, we've become a really great couple. Being an only child, I always thought that being with someone 24/7 (studying, cooking, same friends, etc) would be way too tough and that I would end up hating the other person. I guess I had to grow into it a bit or I just had to find someone that I wouldn't kill after a few days. He balances me really well- I'm always laughing and joking around. It feels great. :)
I've also never dated anyone with similar interests to me. I was worried that I would get really competitive or really intimidated but I haven't. Despite being together all day in school and living together at home, we have still managed to get along. We help each other with our work sometimes and really complement each other. I've finally learned how to have a better balance in my life- live and enjoy life, THEN study. :) I'm so jealous that guys have always been so much more low-key about studying and how much easier it seems to come to them! David is super smart and things come to him very easily. I was jealous for awhile and maybe even a little intimidated, but I got over it and now that we have moved on to biochem (my domain) things have evened out, at least in my mind. :)
One of my favorite things to do is cook with David. He worked as a chef for a few years during college and before returning to school. I've always been a decent cook and definitely very creative, but he has techniques that I never learned. Together we make *amazing* meals. I look forward to cooking all the time! It's such a treat to come home after studying to talk and cook. I guess it's my creative outlet. Lame. :)
Although I feel like I've never been happier, I realized that I may be ignoring/forgetting times of struggle and difficulty. One of the things that I have been struggling with is having an emotional outlet while in school. I didn't realize how lucky I was to live with so many of my close friends while at college. We spent so much time together during meals, study breaks, late night snacks, trips to the gym, watching the newest America's Next Top Model, and we always analyzed every little detail about our lives. It's really hard NOT to talk about your feelings when you are at an all-women's college! At school, everyone pretends that they don't do as much work as they do. Although everyone is really helpful and its a conducive environment to learning, even more than at Smith, it's still a competitive environment. I have tons of friends here and go out a lot but I don't feel like I can ever really open up to any of them and talk the way that I did to my friends at Smith. I feel like we all have to hide our insecurities from each other.
I guess I didn't realize how much I missed that part of my life and being able to do that until this week. I'm taking an elective course called "The Healer's Art" where we talk about things that don't quite get into the curriculum, like grieving, etc. One of our exercises was to visualize what part of us has been pushed back since starting school and draw a picture that represents it. Most people talked about things like keeping up with friends or hobbies like environmental activism. When I was asked to share, I ended up crying in front of a small group! I was so embarrassed and yet relieved at the same point. Although my first instinct was to run away, hide, and never come back, I think it was good for me to acknowledge that I'm not perfect and that I am human. I have to find a good way to have healthy releases without feeling guilty about having emotion. I feel another New Years Resolution coming on! :)
I spent the night catching up on emails. The below post was edited shamelessly from an email I wrote to a good friend a few minutes ago. :)
I've been dating a guy from our med school for 6 months now. I really hesitated to date him because I was so concerned that I would hurt another guy after Jarek and because dating colleagues can't be a good idea. That said, it really has been going well. I think that I treated it the complete opposite way that I treated my past relationship and took things very light-heartedly. Def no wed planning a few months in! I haven't talked about him in my blog because I didn't want to jinx things and because I didn't want to admit to myself how well things were going. That said, despite all my efforts to keep things light-hearted, we've become a really great couple. Being an only child, I always thought that being with someone 24/7 (studying, cooking, same friends, etc) would be way too tough and that I would end up hating the other person. I guess I had to grow into it a bit or I just had to find someone that I wouldn't kill after a few days. He balances me really well- I'm always laughing and joking around. It feels great. :)
I've also never dated anyone with similar interests to me. I was worried that I would get really competitive or really intimidated but I haven't. Despite being together all day in school and living together at home, we have still managed to get along. We help each other with our work sometimes and really complement each other. I've finally learned how to have a better balance in my life- live and enjoy life, THEN study. :) I'm so jealous that guys have always been so much more low-key about studying and how much easier it seems to come to them! David is super smart and things come to him very easily. I was jealous for awhile and maybe even a little intimidated, but I got over it and now that we have moved on to biochem (my domain) things have evened out, at least in my mind. :)
One of my favorite things to do is cook with David. He worked as a chef for a few years during college and before returning to school. I've always been a decent cook and definitely very creative, but he has techniques that I never learned. Together we make *amazing* meals. I look forward to cooking all the time! It's such a treat to come home after studying to talk and cook. I guess it's my creative outlet. Lame. :)
Although I feel like I've never been happier, I realized that I may be ignoring/forgetting times of struggle and difficulty. One of the things that I have been struggling with is having an emotional outlet while in school. I didn't realize how lucky I was to live with so many of my close friends while at college. We spent so much time together during meals, study breaks, late night snacks, trips to the gym, watching the newest America's Next Top Model, and we always analyzed every little detail about our lives. It's really hard NOT to talk about your feelings when you are at an all-women's college! At school, everyone pretends that they don't do as much work as they do. Although everyone is really helpful and its a conducive environment to learning, even more than at Smith, it's still a competitive environment. I have tons of friends here and go out a lot but I don't feel like I can ever really open up to any of them and talk the way that I did to my friends at Smith. I feel like we all have to hide our insecurities from each other.
I guess I didn't realize how much I missed that part of my life and being able to do that until this week. I'm taking an elective course called "The Healer's Art" where we talk about things that don't quite get into the curriculum, like grieving, etc. One of our exercises was to visualize what part of us has been pushed back since starting school and draw a picture that represents it. Most people talked about things like keeping up with friends or hobbies like environmental activism. When I was asked to share, I ended up crying in front of a small group! I was so embarrassed and yet relieved at the same point. Although my first instinct was to run away, hide, and never come back, I think it was good for me to acknowledge that I'm not perfect and that I am human. I have to find a good way to have healthy releases without feeling guilty about having emotion. I feel another New Years Resolution coming on! :)
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Take care of myself
A reoccurring theme. Recently, I haven't felt like I have been doing a good job. I feel like I have been eating a lot of junk food, not working out as much as I would have liked, and don't feel like I look the way I want. I don't feel good after eating chips and greasy bar food. I want to feel better. I hope that during the rest of this week I can work on finding (and restoring!) a healthy balance.
I felt ok last week about everything and I know that I cannot look very different physically this week than last week. I guess it builds up... especially at times of stress. Why is it that I always pick on myself when I'm stressed out? I hope I can also spend the rest of this week doing less work, but more quality work, AND in the process, start feeling better about myself.
I felt ok last week about everything and I know that I cannot look very different physically this week than last week. I guess it builds up... especially at times of stress. Why is it that I always pick on myself when I'm stressed out? I hope I can also spend the rest of this week doing less work, but more quality work, AND in the process, start feeling better about myself.
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Family stories
It was really great for me to see my dad's sisters at an older age. I appreciated what they could offer me a lot more now that I'm older. The things that my dad's family went through were really remarkable and the stories that were told were incredible.
1.) My aunts and their mom hid in the basement of a church while Warsaw was being bombed. Their mother (my grandmother) took off her shirt and cut it into little pieces. She wrote each one's names and date of birth on each piece and tied them to her children. The girls thought that it was a game but really their mom was sure that they wouldn't make it through the night.
2.) My grandmother would walk by the Jewish ghetto in Poland and see really starved children. Even though her own children didn't have enough to eat and they barely were making it by, she would sneak out in the night past the army-enforced curfew, ride the trolley hidden under the seats to not be seen, and drop off food packages to these children. Something that my family reminded me: there were so many Jews in Poland because they were always welcome there and had a good life. The high numbers of Jewish deaths were NOT a result of Polish killings, but rather the Nazi's rule. It angers me that there were countless Polish families who risked their lives to protect Jewish families and yet Poland is blamed in many textbooks for the Holocaust.
3.) One night, my grandmother's mother came down the stairs at 2am. She woke up my grandmother and told her that she had a bad dream and had to leave the apartment. Without hesitating, my grandmother took her young children and carried the children (past curfew) for 2 hours to get to her sister's home outside of the city. The next morning she went back to the apartment and saw the front window broken. At night, shrapno had flown into the apartment and landed in the closet, right above the bed where the girls slept. Incredible.
1.) My aunts and their mom hid in the basement of a church while Warsaw was being bombed. Their mother (my grandmother) took off her shirt and cut it into little pieces. She wrote each one's names and date of birth on each piece and tied them to her children. The girls thought that it was a game but really their mom was sure that they wouldn't make it through the night.
2.) My grandmother would walk by the Jewish ghetto in Poland and see really starved children. Even though her own children didn't have enough to eat and they barely were making it by, she would sneak out in the night past the army-enforced curfew, ride the trolley hidden under the seats to not be seen, and drop off food packages to these children. Something that my family reminded me: there were so many Jews in Poland because they were always welcome there and had a good life. The high numbers of Jewish deaths were NOT a result of Polish killings, but rather the Nazi's rule. It angers me that there were countless Polish families who risked their lives to protect Jewish families and yet Poland is blamed in many textbooks for the Holocaust.
3.) One night, my grandmother's mother came down the stairs at 2am. She woke up my grandmother and told her that she had a bad dream and had to leave the apartment. Without hesitating, my grandmother took her young children and carried the children (past curfew) for 2 hours to get to her sister's home outside of the city. The next morning she went back to the apartment and saw the front window broken. At night, shrapno had flown into the apartment and landed in the closet, right above the bed where the girls slept. Incredible.
Christmas Eve--> NYE 2007
I was in Chicago for a day or two before leaving for Poland. I was really excited to see my parents- they look great! We had a good time doing lots of nothing (mmm) at home and then we headed over to my Mom's best friend's house for Christmas Eve dinner. My mamacita looked super hot because she was rocking a new outfit we picked out for her at Old Orchard-pants! We had a good time catching up with them and it was really nice to see how things have been going. (Ciocia Malgosia quit smoking- Horray!) It was also nice to see my cousin Tina doing well in college and very happy. :)
The next day we headed out for Poland. There was quite a bit of drama at the airport, mostly my fault and I really regret losing it. The drama started because the flight was overbooked so I volunteered our family to take the next flight out to Poland (and fly first class in return!). When Tata found out he got really panicky and angry because he wanted to leave at the time we had scheduled. I shouldn't have lost my temper with him. I guess it's really hard for me to realize that he is getting older and that I have to interact with him differently. It's especially hard for me to see the man who expected perfection from me, to be making irrational decisions. I was fuming the whole flight that we didn't get to take the next flight out (first class!!) but luckily, the flight attendants separated us by nearly 10 rows on the airplane; 10 hours later, I had calmed down a little. When we landed, I realized how vulnerable my dad looked- like a little kid- and I felt bad for him and was angry at myself. I realize he is getting older, but I'm struggling to accept it and adapt. I don't want to have strain between us, especially as we both get older, because I know that we both value each other and love each other... we just but heads a lot. That said, it's hard not to get annoyed by a 64+ year old when you see him 24/7 for two weeks!
Once we got to Poland, it was shocking to see my grandma. She looked so healthy and fresh when we last saw her over the summer. Since she moved back to Poland, she looks unhealthy, much older, swollen, and just plain bad. I was really frustrated by the medical care she had been receiving here in Poland and how malnourished she looked. I don't know a lot of medicine, but the little that I know would have really helped her out. She started to look better after she calmed down a bit later on in the week. I hope that she comes to visit us again in the US.
We spent the next week or so visiting from one family to the next. I'll post more about visiting my dad's sisters later!
For NYE, my cousins and I stayed in the city and went to a house party "impreza." It was a casino night and we had so much fun! Rysio won the most money! I really love seeing my cousins. We always get along well and catch up quickly. I love em!
The next day we headed out for Poland. There was quite a bit of drama at the airport, mostly my fault and I really regret losing it. The drama started because the flight was overbooked so I volunteered our family to take the next flight out to Poland (and fly first class in return!). When Tata found out he got really panicky and angry because he wanted to leave at the time we had scheduled. I shouldn't have lost my temper with him. I guess it's really hard for me to realize that he is getting older and that I have to interact with him differently. It's especially hard for me to see the man who expected perfection from me, to be making irrational decisions. I was fuming the whole flight that we didn't get to take the next flight out (first class!!) but luckily, the flight attendants separated us by nearly 10 rows on the airplane; 10 hours later, I had calmed down a little. When we landed, I realized how vulnerable my dad looked- like a little kid- and I felt bad for him and was angry at myself. I realize he is getting older, but I'm struggling to accept it and adapt. I don't want to have strain between us, especially as we both get older, because I know that we both value each other and love each other... we just but heads a lot. That said, it's hard not to get annoyed by a 64+ year old when you see him 24/7 for two weeks!
Once we got to Poland, it was shocking to see my grandma. She looked so healthy and fresh when we last saw her over the summer. Since she moved back to Poland, she looks unhealthy, much older, swollen, and just plain bad. I was really frustrated by the medical care she had been receiving here in Poland and how malnourished she looked. I don't know a lot of medicine, but the little that I know would have really helped her out. She started to look better after she calmed down a bit later on in the week. I hope that she comes to visit us again in the US.
We spent the next week or so visiting from one family to the next. I'll post more about visiting my dad's sisters later!
For NYE, my cousins and I stayed in the city and went to a house party "impreza." It was a casino night and we had so much fun! Rysio won the most money! I really love seeing my cousins. We always get along well and catch up quickly. I love em!
Trip to Poland
I really really should get better at blogging more often. It's just hard to sit down and write when there are so many other things going on. That said, blogging more regularly is a new year's resolution for 2007. :)
Things with me are fantastic! I just finished my first week back from winter break. The first week back is always a little overwhelming, but especially so when you return jet-lagged and to biochemistry in full swing. I'll get through it, because it's not like I have a choice!
Break was really fantastic. I'm really glad that I got the opportunity to return to Poland at an older age because I could really appreciate things more than when I was younger. Poland has changed so much (for the better) since I last was there; it's really impressive! It's a very cool place now! It was a little challenging for me, however, to get used to seeing so many relatives that I don't see on a regular basis. All of the "advice" and "scoldings" that I got while I was there got on my nerves but there isn't much that you can say or should say back to an elder who just wishes you well, regardless of how unwanted the advice is. I can't tell you how many times I had to explain why or how I was vegetarian and how many "but you look so pale!" comments I got. It was hard for me to bite my lip and not say anything, given how independent and outspoken I am but I made it through the 2 weeks (horray!).
It was really fun to see my family, especially my cousins. It's nice to know that we can all get along and how much we have in common as we get older. And it's always nice to get to an age where we can make fun of our mutual relatives together. :)
It's good to be back in Cleveland, on my own terms, despite all the work that was waiting for me when I got back. :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)