Survived one thing and rounds (life) continues

Ultimately, I survived my emotional and overwhelming shadowing experience in the ICU. Things got easier by the end of the week, but not by much. I guess I'm so used to that feeling of achieving and it was really hard for me to be put in a situation where I felt so worthless and useless: everyone knew infinitely more than me about everything. Instead of being humbling, it was initially incredibly crushing. For one of the first times, I realized just how much work awaits me in all the years to come and just how much more difficult each year will be compared to now. For the first time, I had thoughts of doubt: would I ever be able to manage the long road ahead, am I tough enough, am I smart enough?

I survived, without quiting medicine just yet, and met with my boss. When I told him how overwhelmed I felt after the ICU and how much doubt it put in my mind about medicine he showed genuine concern: "Natalia, you should be excited by how much the team knew, not intimidated. You will be just as smart if not smarter than them when you get to their year. Remember, medicine is an exponential learning process. Every project seems like too much when you try to take it all on at once. Same thing with medicine. Just focus on excelling now and the later will fall into place until you are the kind of physician that you are proud of." I have a great boss.

I look forward to going to the ICU in my clinical years of medical school when I will know a lot more than I did last week. I'm not giving up on medicine just yet because who am I kidding- I love this stuff.