Some thoughts about becoming an adult (?!!)

It's so weird. When I was getting ready to go to Smith, my first time away from home, 1000s of miles away, not knowing a single person, I was not scared at all (or at least that I can remember). Now that I've had a few years of living on my "own" (Smith-style), gained 4 years of experience and maturity (supposedly), you would think that moving away again would not be as terrifying as it really is. It's so hard for me to realize that in only a few weeks, I'm going to have to start all over again. New friends. New places. Introductions. New names. My concerns are ones that I feel that I should have overcome in grade school. What if I don't make any friends? What if I get homesick? What if I don't like it there?

And as all these concerns run through my mind I have to admit that the question of whether I'm really ready to do any of this comes up again and again. Can I really be responsible for other people's lives as a doctor, if I am worried about being able to take care of myself? For now, I'm trying to push all the doubt back and have faith in myself and take babysteps along the way.

It's just so crazy to think about it all. Am I really ready to be an adult? Live on my own? Have my own apartment? Be responsible for all that comes with that? Balance my budget without having my parents as backup plans? Wow. When did this all happen?? Am I really ready?

Smith was such a nice transition for me from high school only child living at home to college living. But did all the perks at Smith put me at a disadvantage for starting the real world living? I'm going to really miss having my friends live next door, being able to chat at any time of the day with them, eating meals with them. Man! Because I'm not planning on having a roommate I am worried that I will end up eating most of my meals alone in my apartment, by myself. OMG, I'm going to be such a looooser! What do other people do? Isn't eating alone a sign of a problem? Wait, maybe that's drinking. Or is eating alone a problem too? Gosh, I hope I figure this all out soon!