So when do I become a real doctor, again?

Since taking my boards in March, I’ve been enjoying life on my four month research block. Although it’s been nice having a stress-free life and my biggest worry of the day is usually whether or not I should try a new recipe for dinner, it’s been tough adjusting to the fact that most of my friends are on clinicals. Everyone is learning so much and is actually DOING such cool things; I can’t help but feel jealous. I know I will get more than enough opportunities to do the same starting in July, but I still feel a little left behind. It certainly seems as though the last few weeks of my research block are going to have to be spent re-learning a lot of the medicine that I’ve forgotten already. This morning reminded me of just how much I have to review- and just how much longer it’s going to take for me to REALLY become a real physician.

I walk through the hospital to get to my research lab on mornings when it looks like it might rain. Today, as I zoned out and listened to the classical music in the skyway and smiled at the busy long white coats rushing past me, searching for a familiar face, a man stopped me and started screaming. As his screams echoed through the hallway, he grabbed onto me looking for help- all I could do was stand there. I froze, my mind went blank, and I just stood there asking him if he was ok. Luckily, long white coats from everywhere emerged and started calling for help. Now that the real help had arrived, I felt that I could walk away, but I knew that I hadn’t done my job. What should I have done? Who should I have called? How can you tell if his defibrillator really went off or if it was a psychiatric patient looking for some attention? Regardless of whether or not I could have really helped that patient in the skyway, my silence really concerned me. When am I going to be one of the people that responds to situations? When am I going to gain the courage to be the one helping people, not just another person asking if they are ok? When am I going to become a real doctor?